Source: Uldis Laganovskis / Getty
“What the hell does this have to do with sports and why did I click on this?” is something you might be asking yourself. But guess what? You clicked on it didn’t you? You’re at least somewhat intrigued. I was trying to think of something to blog about. The Colts? I feel like we could all use a break from them. Whether it’s being mad at Ballard being back, Anthony Richardson hopes and prayers or breaking down Lou Anarumo defensive schemes…enough. At least for one day, let’s table the Colts. The Pacers? They are out in Paris eating croissants and watching some hot French girls rip cigs like they’re coconut waters in a Planet Fitness. IU? Purdue? Butler? Shit show. Not today. Woof. In that order. I looked outside and realized it’s snowing again. My weather app said nothing of the sort was occurring but here we are.
That’s when it came to me. The idea of having to get up, throw on some boots, start cleaning off the driveway just bothered me to no end. So, I thought of the five worst things about winter and decided to write them down here as a blog that maybe some people will read it and agree. At the very least I’m creating a digital journal of inner thoughts regarding the winter season. These are NOT in order of any sort so let’s not treat these like power rankings.
1. Busting Your Ass on Some Ice
Source:Getty
There may be no more embarrassing thing to happen to an adult in the winter time than to slip on some ice and fall to the ground. At best you’re alone and no one saw and you can limp yourself to the car as you mutter obscenities. At worst, you slip and make a scene and it’s in a public place. Everyone sees it. Someone runs up to ask if you’re alright and you have to pretend the only thing hurting is your pride and not your right hip. Hopefully you’re not carrying a hot coffee or groceries when it happens because then we really get into even more embarrassing behavior.
2. Driving Anywhere
Source:Getty
Snow plows—our supposed winter heroes—always seem to act surprised by snow, like they didn’t already get the forecast last week. Instead of clear roads, we get rutted, icy pathways that make driving feel like an extreme sport. The worst part? We’re out there slipping and sliding while the plows are probably still hitting snooze. Classic.
3. Taking An Ice Ball To The Dome
Source:Getty
Having a snowball fight with the kids? You know what kills that vibe REAL QUICK? If one of them chucks an ice ball at you and the THUNCK sound that is typically reserved for a panel in a Batman comic is what’s coming off the side of your skull. It hurts like no other. You’re pissed but also have to not scare the kids as you hold your throbbing head and try your best to use swear words that would make George Carlin blush.
4. The End of Football Season
Source:Getty
Finally, a sports tie-in on what has otherwise been a bunch of run-on sentences about the pure hell that can be the winter season. The end of football absolutely sucks. Yes, we’ll stretch things out into February but we aren’t far away from there being zero football until August. What am I supposed to watch on the weekends? Do I reintroduce myself to my wife and kids now? What do I gamble on? Baseball run totals? Bleh! I know the NFL has “become a year-round league” but that’s just stuff we say to trick ourselves into thinking there will be even remotely the same amount of entertainment provided in March than there is on a Sunday in October. We’ll miss you, football.
5. Shoveling Snow
Source:Getty
Shoveling snow—a winter workout nobody asked for. Between the freezing cold and trying to haul around what feels like concrete in disguise, it’s no wonder your back feels like it’s plotting revenge. It’s the universal struggle of turning your driveway into a personal gym, complete with aches, pains, and the deep frustration of knowing it’ll probably snow again tomorrow.
