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The NFL regular season kicks off a week from today so it’s tradition that every talking head jackass gives his or her win-loss predictions for the team they cover. Hello. I am that jackass. At least for this article I am. I’m not a psychic, I’m not a Vegas oddsmaker, I’m just a guy with a dad bod that pushes animal noise buttons on a mid-market morning radio show that I also occasionally host.
But I also love football, specifically the NFL. I’ll be parting on my maiden voyage with NFL Sunday Ticket this year as well as NFL RedZone. My wife is already asking if I’ll be using two TV’s again this season (don’t rule it out, Ashley!), my kids will forget what I look like from now until early February and I have four fantasy football drafts in the upcoming days on top of the one I did earlier this week already. Yeah, there’s no one cooler than me at the moment!
Enough about me. The Colts kick off the season two Sundays from now. Anthony Richardson is under center and the hopes of every fan seem to be on the rookie’s shoulders. Expectations coming off a 4-12-1 record are and should be low. This team finally hit a much-needed reset button and are entering Year 1 of a rebuild. Playoffs? (in my best Jim Mora impression) Maybe in 2025. But let’s go through the schedule and see what we come up with.
Week 1 vs. Jaguars
We all know the Colts record is abysmal in season openers. After losing eight consecutive season openers the Colts settled for a tie with the Houston Texans, ending a losing streak in about as pathetic a manner as you could. Will they finally get a win in a season opener? The Jaguars are coming off a 9-8 season that saw them win the AFC South. They sure to be on the upside with Trevor Lawrence looking to take another step forward, the addition of Calvin Ridley to an already potent wide receiver group and a very solid defense. Can the Colts come out and pull off a Week 1 stunner? Sure. Will I predict they will? No. LOSS (0-1)
Week 2 @ Texans
A battle of rookie quarterbacks: CJ Stroud vs. Anthony Richardson is hopefully the first of many battles between these two. Both teams are putting their eggs in their respective QB’s basket when it comes to hope. The Texans have Dameon Pierce, who seems like a pretty solid running back and added an aging Robert Woods, Dalton Schultz but I’m not sure how much either guy has left in the tank. Colts get their first win of the season here. WIN (1-1)
Week 3 @ Ravens
The Colts travel to Baltimore to take on Lamar Jackson and company in Week 3. On paper, this is one of the harder matchups on the 2023 schedule for the Colts. Not only will they have a hell of a time containing Jackson but his new weapons at wide receiver: Odell Beckham Jr and rookie Zay Flowers, provide even more pop with tight end Mark Andrews and an always solid defense. I’m not loving this matchup for the Colts at all. LOSS (1-2)
Week 4 vs. Rams
The Rams are a shell of what they were since their Super Bowl winning season in the 2021 season. Their win at all costs by shipping of draft picks left and right and acquiring veterans worked but now we’re seeing how quickly that strategy can backfire. Matthew Stafford looked lost, Cooper Kupp is still banged up, Jalen Ramsey’s been traded and they seem to be a team in transition. Kupp could be trouble if he’s healthy but it’ll be a wait and see approach. Colts pull off the victory. WIN (2-2)
Week 5 vs. Titans
“We have Matt Ryan”. That’s all I think about whenever I think of Colts-Titans now. The Colts season was already looking grim before that fateful halftime nugget and it very well could have been the turd that clogged the toilet. The Titans seem to be regressing. Ryan Tannehill is the starter for now, Derrick Henry is getting older and they added DeAndre Hopkins to see how much he has left in the tank. Mike Vrabel is still a damn good coach though. He’ll have his guys ready to play and it’ll be a dog fight. The Colts pull off a stunner in this one and get a game over .500. WIN (3-2)
Week 6 @ Jaguars
Jaguars again. This time in Jacksonville. A nightmare stadium for the Colts. So many ugly performances over the years that extend into multiple coaching staffs and quarterbacks. I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s the close vicinity of the panhandle or the in-game antics of Jaxson de Ville. Whatever the case, it’s been a house of horrors for the horseshoe and as the team to beat in the AFC South the Jaguars take care of business on their home turf. LOSS (3-3)
Week 7 vs. Browns
Let the massage jokes fly in Week 7. There will be plenty. I’m honestly not sure what to make of the Browns this season. Deshaun Watson struggled with so much time missed and he didn’t look very impressive in his limited preseason snaps. However, the Browns have so much talent on both sides of the ball that even if their QB is less than stellar, they should be able to at least remain competitive in a lot of games. Nick Chubb is a top-five back, Amari Cooper/Elijah Moore/Donovan Peoples-Jones are a solid trio of wide receivers and we’ll see what they get out of Purdue’s David Bell as well. And then there’s the defense headlined by Myles Garrett. Too many weapons on both sides of the ball spells trouble for Indy. LOSS (3-4)
Week 8 vs. Saints
Derek Carr was on the wrong side of the Colts-Raiders game last season that resulted in Indy winning Jeff Saturday’s head coaching debut. Those good vibes quickly faded the rest of the season but we’ll always have that fateful Sunday afternoon in November 2022. Now Carr is in a Saints uniform and looking for revenge. He’s traded Davante Adams for Chris Olave, Michael Thomas, Alvin Kamara and Jamaal Williams. In a very winnable NFC South, the Saints could be the team to beat if things fall their way. I think they do in this one. Three consecutive losses for the Colts. LOSS (3-5)
Week 9 @ Panthers
This is a juicy one. Not only will be get Bryce Young vs. Anthony Richardson but we’ll also see Frank Reich take on his former team. The only thing that would make this one more intriguing was if it took place at Lucas Oil Stadium. Alas, we’ll have to settle for Charlotte. The Panthers pulled off a monster trade with the Chicago Bears to acquire the No. 1 overall pick that they used on Young and they made sure to surround the rookie with plenty of talent. Adam Thielen, Miles Sanders, DJ Chark and Hayden Hurst are all veterans that are new to the team and going to try and fill the void left by DJ Moore. Reich won’t admit it publicly but he’s likely had this one circled on this calendar since the schedule came out. LOSS (3-6)
Week 10 @ Patriots (In Frankfurt, Germany)
Put on an extra pot of coffee for this one. The 9:30am kickoff time is going to be one we haven’t had to deal with very often. It’s technically a Patriots home game but both teams will be in unfamiliar territory. New England definitely seems to still be transitioning in the post-Brady era. Mac Jones is still a great unknown, the offensive weapons are all older and the defense is a mystery. The luster is definitely off of the Colts-Patriots rivalry that was always a game circled on the schedule that TV networks would fight for. The Patriots have owned the rivalry as of late, posting an 8-1 record over the last nine matchups. However, this game being on the road means anything can happen. And I see the Colts getting one over on The Hoodie. The losing streak halts at four. WIN (4-6)
Week 11 BYE
Week 12 vs. Buccaneers
After a breather in Week 11 to work off the jet lag flying back from Germany the Colts return home to take on Tampa Bay. Back-to-back games against teams struggling to find themselves in a post-Tom Brady world. The Bucs looked bad in Brady’s final season and with Baker Mayfield or Kyle Trask taking over the reins it doesn’t look like things are turning around anytime soon. Tampa certainly appears that they will be near the top of the 2024 NFL Draft despite a very winnable NFC South. The Colts take advantage of a Bucs team in transition. Unfortunately, it’s their last win for a while. WIN (5-6)
Week 13 @ Titans
In my mind, Week 13 is where the toughest stretch for the Colts begins. Three of the next four games are on the road and it starts with the always tough Titans. Tennessee will be out for blood at this point, having lost to the Colts in Week 5 (in this mental gymnastics fantasy win-loss game we’re playing at least). They’ll get their revenge in this one. LOSS (5-7)
Week 14 @ Bengals
The toughest game on the Colts’ schedule in my opinion. Joe Burrow and company are vying for a Super Bowl appearance. They are loaded on the offensive side of the ball. So much so that any deficiencies they have on the defensive side can usually be swept under the rung with the high-scoring ability the offense possesses. This one could get ugly early. LOSS (5-8)
Week 15 vs. Steelers
Back-to-back games against AFC North opponents. This one may feel like a road game with how many Steel City faithful head to Lucas Oil Stadium and wave their Terrible Towels. I don’t know what to make of Kenny Pickett. He had a very underwhelming 2022 season with more interceptions than touchdowns. He’s looked good in preseason. How much that actually makes an impact when the games start to count will involve the wait and see approach. Mike Tomlin has never had a losing season in his coaching career so history says while the Steelers may not be in a playoff race at this point, they’ll likely be a tough opponent. I’m giving history the nod here and we’ve reached another three-game losing streak. LOSS (5-9)
Week 16 @ Falcons
The last road game of the season for the Colts and it comes against a Falcons squad that could be a surprise in the NFC this season. Can Desmond Ridder take strides in 2023? If he can’t, Atlanta has Taylor Heinicke to back him up and has been a solid starter in the league. Kyle Pitts needs to take a step, Drake London looks to build off a solid rookie campaign and they’ve overhauled the defensive side of the ball. I think there will be enough talent on Atlanta’s side that they get the win and push the Colts to their second four-game losing streak of the season. LOSS (5-10)
Week 17 vs. Raiders
It’s going to get extra handsome at Lucas Oil Stadium. No, I don’t believe I’ll be in attendance but thank you for thinking of me first. Jimmy Garoppolo (presuming he’s healthy) and the Raiders come to town. The last time the Raiders came to town I WAS in attendance. Not only did I mop the floor against Kevin Bowen in the St. Elmo’s Shrimp Eating Contest ahead of the game (I still show off the championship belt with pride) but I watched as the Colts pissed down their leg and blew a chance at clinching a playoff spot. They would end up missing the playoffs all together. I like the group of wide receivers the Raiders are rolling with. Davante Adams is still a stud, Hunter Renfroe is solid and they’ve added Jakobi Myers in the off-season. The Raiders defense is still solid. The Colts’ longest losing streak of the season with five in a row. LOSS (5-11)
Week 18 vs. Texans
The Colts wrap the 2023 season with one last look at the Houston Texans. I expect this to be a different looking Texans than what they saw in Week 2. Stroud will have a full season under his belt, he’ll have more chemistry with his skill position guys and while I don’t think they’ll be competing for anything they’ll want to finish strong. The same goes for Anthony Richardson and the Colts. The season will have had more lows than highs but that doesn’t mean Richardson and company haven’t shown flashes of progress. Richardson and the Colts end the season on a high note and get the victory. WIN (6-11)
Recap
The Colts finish the season at 6-11 and 3-3 against AFC South opponents. An improvement over last season to be sure and while the wins won’t be there I think there’s a good chance the team and fans feel even more hopeful heading into 2024 after seeing Anthony Richardson under center for a full season. Use his strengths but don’t expose him. Give him something to build off of and some positives to take into his second season. It’s hope, not wins that matter in 2023 for the Colts. That and hopefully they use the next off-season to add more weapons around Richardson so he can take a big leap in 2024.
